Relationships: Why Expectations Don’t Always Meet Reality.
Congratulations!! January 2019 is now in the can! Which means that the holidays are officially over!! Wait? Are the holidays over? As we approach the new month of February, let me ask you, do you do anything for the BIG V-Day? V to the Alentines-Day?
We all have had some kind of experience or opinion when it comes to this particular day. Let me ask you, are you the “I’m boycotting this day! It’s just a big money making day for people to buy chocolates and flowers!” Or are you the angry singleton, “I hate this day!! It just reminds me how lonely I am!” Or maybe you’re the type of person who enjoys getting a few of your closest friends together for a nice dinner and watching your favorite Sex and the City re-runs! Finally, there’s always that person who is new to a relationship, and is just counting down the days for that special romantic dinner with their new plus-one!
I must say, I have played a role in all of the above scenarios! I think a majority of us have, in some way, and it all boils down to where exactly we were in that stage of our life!
If you were to tell me five years ago that I would living the life I am living today, I would not have believed you. Married to my guy, living in Iowa with our beautiful spitfire of a three year old; coaching clients? Producing my podcast Realtalk with RU? (Available on ITunes, SoundCloud, Android and Libsyn). Writing a book? Doing monthly speaking events? I would say…. Yeah, freakin right!
There was a time in my life that I never thought that this was possible or realistic because I wasn’t doing the work to get there. I wasn’t doing the work because I didn’t know how! I didn’t know how because I didn’t have expectations for myself. I was “going with the flow” all day, every day! I was waiting for things to happen for me, I didn’t know at the time that I could manifest and create it.
But friends, I am here to tell you that Your Relationships Do Not Have to Be Disappointing!! Whether you are single or in a relationship, there’s a common denominator here, and that is YOU!!
Self Doubt to Self Love
You can either blame others for the way things are, or you can stop and do something different. Right here!! Right now!! Rather than dreading this “Romantic Holiday,” you can create something really beautiful for yourself!
What is something you can do for yourself throughout the month of February? I’ve got some ideas for you!
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Break up Up with Unrealistic Expectations
How can you know what you want if you have not connected with yourself? What do you enjoy doing? What is it you do not like? Create a vision for what you want your friendships to look like. What do you want in a partner? What do you expect when it comes to work? Are you complacent in your position, or do you want more? The more expectations, the more satisfied end results you will get. If you aren’t getting what you want, I would ask you: Have you asked for it?
Now I can also say, let’s be real. When it comes to a relationship or a professional position, are you only looking at the exterior? Does this person or profession meet your expectations? Are you taking the relationship or the job to fill a void? Or are you trying to make this fit in your box? Be intentional for what you are looking for! I promise you, when you know exactly what you want, you will manifest it and create it. Yes, I am comparing meeting a partner to finding that career. Your are deserving of all of it! The more that you know about what you want, you are able to see what you do not want, and you start to value yourself much more! You will be able to see those who do not have your best interest at heart much faster. Don’t force the situation, it WILL happen organically. Keep working on you. Let go of the resistance and trust the process. You will attract the right people and opportunities into your life.
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Start Dating Yourself!
a.) Change your environment at home. Maybe it’s diffusing your favorite essential oils or lighting up your favorite soy scented candles. Perhaps it’s listening to that podcast or audio book you’ve been wanting to listen to for so long on the way to and from work or while you are doing the dishes. Maybe you can cook that delicious meal for yourself – explore in the kitchen. There’s something about enjoying the meal that you have prepared. There is a feeling of accomplishment, pride, and satisfaction. Or maybe it’s time to clean out that closet or that room that is out of control! Shout out to our favorite, Marie Kondo, for empowering so many of us to declutter our homes; spark some joy!!
b.) Sleep! You know your body best! How much sleep do you need to feel rested and relaxed going into the next day? Give yourself a hard stop when it comes to your bedtime! Lack of sleep results to poor eating choices, making mistakes, and not setting yourself up for a positive and productive day.
c.) Get your body moving and a grooving. This does not mean you need to go hard at the gym for two hours! Find an activity that you enjoy and are excited about, and do it for 20 mins: yoga, running, basketball, riding your bike, dance, Zumba! Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Go for a brisk walk. Raise your heart rate.
d.) Breathing Techniques or Meditation – Adopt ways to tackle stress in the moment. When you are able to take a time out, things may not be as big of a deal as you thought a few minutes ago. Stop and step away.
e.) Less electronics, and more living! Stop comparing yourself to others on social media. It’s not REAL!!! If what you are reading or scrolling is not bringing you joy, stop! Again, your results are not going to change unless you do! Set that timer on your phone. Give yourself 30 minutes to scroll, check out others if that’s your thing, and once your timer goes off, STOP AND STEP AWAY! Connect with a friend or loved one. Go in for that hug, or call that person you have been meaning to.
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Explore activities or events around the area.
Whether it is a new dance class, workout, or book club, there are lots of things to do; you just have to be intentional and open to receiving more opportunities. If you go into something with a negative attitude, you will get a negative experience. Again, be open to the possibilities! Look for meetup groups or local events happening on Facebook.
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Volunteer
Go to your local food bank or homeless shelter. Find a non-profit that resonates with you, and reach out to them asking how you can help. There’s something to be said about the feeling after helping another. Giving thanks and gratitude: Maybe things are just not as bad as they seem.
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Invite friends or someone special over.
We have this misconception that our home has to look perfect, or “I can’t invite anyone over until I buy my new…” I used to be guilty of this because that’s what I grew up hearing. Newsflash: People like you for you!! Nothing feels more nourishing than bringing people together and hosting. You do not have to go overboard and spend $$$. Create a fun potluck, get creative by looking at some fun DIY on good ole Pinterest, and have some fun!!
If you’re married or live with your partner, try something different! Cook something new for your loved one. Or invite another couple over for dinner.
Do you have kids? Have an adult and kid play date at your place.
What I’m basically saying is that there is always a solution!! Let go of the past, and start with the present!
Want to get more tips? Join me for my FREE WORKSHOP: Your Relationships Do Not Have to Be Disappointing on Wednesday, February 13th at 5:30 pm (cst.). Limited spots available! RESERVE YOUR SPOT TODAY at: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/your-relationships-do-not-have-to-be-disappointing-tickets-55158032159
Until next time!
With love and light,
Rumaisa